Visting My Boyfriend Grave... I Need Advice?

This upcoming Sept 17 will be the one year anniversary of my bf death. His mom invited me to come along with his aunt and grandmother to his grave. I accepted and thanked her. I have visited his grave with his mom. But because there is not much u can do at the grave, the visits always seem short and impersonal. I believe if i had my own transportation, I would go spend some time at the grave, but i would feel awkward with his entire family (only 3 members tho).How long should we stay and what do I say as we stand there at his grave.


FLOWERS: I bought fake flowers (cuz they last longer) the color of his funeral theme, soft bronze and cream colored. Should I ask his mom if I should bring flowers, and if so what color does she have so we can coordinate?


WHAT2WEAR?: Cuz it the 1yr anniver. should I dress up, normally I would wear a nice skirt comfy shoes and a blouse, should I take it up a notch? It%26#039;s gonna fall on a Sunday.


Plz offer motherly advice and suggestions. THank

Visting My Boyfriend Grave... I Need Advice?
Personally, I wouldn%26#039;t go with fake flowers %26quot;because they last longer.%26quot; The cemetary%26#039;s just going to take them away anyways. That%26#039;s what it%26#039;s like at my grandmum%26#039;s cemetary, not sure about yours.





If you want it to be that perfect, you should definitely co-ordinate with his mum. But I%26#039;m sure that once he sees you with his mum (and aunt and grandmama) visiting his grave, he won%26#039;t care what you look like and whether if it%26#039;s short and impersonal.





Oh, sorry, just read the motherly advice part...I%26#039;m a dude, but that%26#039;s just what I think whenever I visit a grave anyways. I%26#039;m sure there%26#039;re other, better, suggestions out there. I%26#039;m sorry for your loss.
Reply:I would decline the invitation and say that %26quot;I need to move forward in my life.%26quot; BTW, what could be tackier than plastic flowers.
Reply:You should ask his Mom if you %26quot;may%26quot; bring flowers and tell her what you bought and that you would like to make sure they do not sit out after they have faded. She will probably bring the same. Where I live they only mow they do not weed or reseed the grass at the cemetery so we often do so on visits since this is an anniversary you all may not ask his mother what she is wearing. Try to remember an endearing story about the two of you that you have not yet shared. Remember his dreams and voice them. Tell them that you miss him. Ask them to tell you a story about his childhood while you are there. Bring it up in a light way perhaps they have pictures you have not seen. Enjoy the visit they consider you very special if they asked you to attend.
Reply:My Mother-inlaw passed away several years ago. each year we visit her grave to show our respects. Time spent there can be very comforting you may feel silly at first talking to yourself but you don%26#039;t have to do it out loud a lot of time just quiet time thinking about the past can do you good, and help you find closure. Take what ever flowers you like or should I say that he liked. What to wear what ever your comfy in just not to out of this world. you don%26#039;t have to feel obligated to go with his family if you want to go at different times go.
Reply:be normal...dress casual..maybe you can bring the following...





blanket--to sit on


paper towels/rag--clean the gravestone


cleaner spray--clean the grave stone


any flowers you would like





have conversation... sure everyone misses someone they lost but you shouldn%26#039;t go there to mourn. (although you will no matter what you do) you should go there to reminisce the good times not the bad.





it is better if you go by yourself...it feels better...
Reply:i don%26#039;t know his parents or their expectations but these kinds of things are much less formal than the actual funeral... dress nicely, but don%26#039;t overplan.... how long is up to you, when i visit my brother%26#039;s grave, sometimes i go by myself for hours, sometimes i stop by for five minutes... because i don%26#039;t live anywhere near there anymore...





these types of visits are more for your own personal healing.... so do what works for you... i am sure mom and grandmom will want to talk about some of the (probably funnier or more sentimental) moments of his life... maybe think of a story they might like...
Reply:UGGHHHH I certainly hope you mean EX boyfriend or that is just TOTALLY gross!!





TFTP



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