Why should I apologize and do you think it was wrong?

ok, my step gdad died last week (the only gpa I ever knew)and his kids are treating my gma like crap. At the funeral home did not console her whatsoever then would not let her have any flowers or anything from the funeral. I went to get some pictures and flowers that were supposed to be gma%26#039;s took them to her house and they called and threaten prosecution if they were not brought back. I feel that they were as much gmas to have as they were his kids and it was only 3 plants and 2 pix and now my fam wants me to apologize to his kids for what???!!! I don%26#039;t feel I did anything wrong they would not have let gma have anything. They already changed the locks on her house and rented it out from under her and won%26#039;t give her the rent money (taking advantage of an 83 yr old w/Alzheimers) I totally think they are in the wrong not sharing his loss or anything with her since she is his widow and they need to respect that? Any opinions or legal advice???? Please help me with this

Why should I apologize and do you think it was wrong?
i think that the flowers should have all went to your gma - she was his widow so legally she shouldve been the one to have gotten the flowers etc then if she wanted to give them to some of the grandkids then thats her call. you say she has alzheimers though so maybe did they leave one of the grandkids as power of attorney over everything, did the grandkids pay for the funeral? was your gma upset about not getting any of the flowers? was she crying or anything or does she have alzheimers so bad that she didnt realize? if she didnt realize what was going on maybe you shouldve just said a silent prayer for the grandkids, usually bad things come back to people so if they were being ugly to your gma itll come back on them. i think since you are a %26quot;step%26quot; though it may be better to just back out of it %26amp; let them handle it, theyll end up labeling you the bad person if you dont. if shes got alzheimers really bad she may not know whats going on or even realize who her grandkids are, she may not be able to live on her own, im not sure of all the details but id let someone closer to her handle it, maybe send an %26quot;anonymous%26quot; letter to someone who %26quot;really cares for the old lady%26quot; and tell them whats being done to her %26amp; let them handle it, if you think shes being abused or treated unfairly maybe report it to your elder abuse hotline. i wouldnt apologize to them though, i dont think you did anything too wrong, if you did surely the funeral home wouldve stopped you before you got to the van, i hope it works out for you. you have a good heart %26amp; thats all that counts, your intentions were in the right place!
Reply:It took a careful read to understand the complexity of the situation, but I think I do understand now.





You are in a tough spot, and I understand how you feel. In times like this, everyone%26#039;s emotions can run high and easily be set off.





How long were your Grandmother and the Step Grandfather married? It sounds like quite a while. I think in this situation, it would matter where the flowers came from. If your parents, you, friend of your Gma and SGpa, etc had bougt the plants %26amp; flowers, they would be rightfully your Gma%26#039;s. If they were bought by SGpa%26#039;s other family, then they should get them back. That seems to be the fair way to do it. When in doubt, (e.g. unsigned items), they should go to your Gma as the surviving current spouse.





No matter what, you should apologize. (e.g. I am truly sorry for the grief I caused during this difficult time, but this is why I did it...)





On to the legal matters - who owns the house? If they owned it and were letting the Gpa %26amp; Gma live there, then I think they can take the house back although the law probably requires some notice to her.





If SGpa owned the house, the house now belongs to Gma - I would get a lawyer. If they lived in a community property state (or were originally married in a community property state), I would think she would now own the house even if her name were not on the deed.





Even if there is not a will, I think the law in most if not all states would give 100% of your SGpa%26#039;s possessions at the time of his death to your Gma.











Tori - how rude to belittle this family! Abuse reported for violation of community guidelines (insulting the asker)
Reply:I know for a fact that all plants, cards or other items meant for the deceased go to the parents, spouse or nearest relative. In the case of your grandfather the items not going with him to the grave site are to go to your grandma.


If anyone other than your Grandmother took those items then that is theft. In some states it can be prosecuted as a misdemeanor. Your Grandmother has all rights to the plants and pictures. At many funerals I had to step in and resolve many of these same problems.


Concerning the house. If the house is in her name or in her husbands name then they can not kick her out. This is once again theft! I would seek a lawyer.


Now if anyone is in charge of your grandmother and she is not being taken care of then that to is a crime.
Reply:I have to agree with you...You didn%26#039;t do anything wrong and they had no right to take the things from the funeral. Those things belong to your grandmother. If she decides to share them with his children that%26#039;s her choice,they have no right to demand them.
Reply:sounds like a old rerun off the springer show
Reply:god, did her parents not pay enough of a dowry or what? is your family part of the !kung tribe in africa? hello, unless she killed him herself, your family has no right to do that. that%26#039;s just rotten.
Reply:How long were they married? She should have legal rights. It sounds like they were jealous of her. As his wife, she has much more rights than his children. That is why many older people don%26#039;t want to get married because the new spouse has more rights than the children. Unless the house was in there name they had no right to it. I think you should seek legal consel for your grandma. Good luck!
Reply:So are these kids his from another marriage or what? How does renting this place out have anything to do with you appology? Who%26#039;s name was the house in? If it was in the deceased and his only they have every right to rent it out, it may not be morally correct and is a terrible thing to do, but if she is this old and has oldheimers disease maybe a nursing home is where she belongs. If the house was in both of there names then yes rent is owed to her And as far as the plants and picture go the judge or police would pretty much throw it out of the courts its your word against theres, where is the proof you took these.



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