Where am I going wrong?

I give my bf anything he wants, if i can afford it I will buy it. He doesn%26#039;t work and I keep the house running paying the bills, food etc yet he still treats me like dirt. I try and leave but he always stops me, and deep down I dont really want to go cos I love him.





I complained the other day that he doesn%26#039;t buy me flowers anymore and he said that the next time he would buy me flowers would be for my funeral! that was cutting, i dont know if he really meant it or not (he%26#039;s always joking around). and then yesterday he said that he just sees me as a cash machine, again I dont know if he means it or was just trying to wind me up. He%26#039;s so unfeeling, or is it that i%26#039;m too weak? I can and have stood up to him before have actually left him only for him to woo me back. whats his game? how can i turn this situation around?

Where am I going wrong?
My last boyfriend was the exact same way. He stayed home while I worked and paid for everything for nearly two years. When I finally had it and confronted him, he tried to turn it around like I was the one at fault.





The moment you stop buying him anything, he will either leave or get a job; either way, you win. I finally showed my ex-boyfriend the door. The total irony of it all was, when he finally got a job, after I threw him out, he became a headhunter, finding OTHER people jobs! :)
Reply:I don%26#039;t know how much you love him, but from the sound of it... it doesn%26#039;t seem like that he loves you... I don%26#039;t know what to say but if i was in your shoe i would *Throw him out the window*
Reply:Cut him loose. You are being used, not loved.


You are allowing it.


Don%26#039;t you deserve better?


You need 1 on 1 counselling for self esteem issues.
Reply:will you date me??


my God girl... dump him you deserve to be treated like a real lady and not just money maker to some lousy man!
Reply:Look, people go into relationships not because they love someone, but the other person has to love them back. If your man really loved u, he would be thinking of ways to make ur life easier not use u for ur money. You love him and thats cool, but if he doesnt love u back do u truely feel whole as a person? Trust me girl you will get drained of your health , mind and soul. You need a man that will treat u the same way you are treating your bf now.
Reply:Ditch him! You don%26#039;t need this. He%26#039;s taking full advantage of you. Don%26#039;t take him back even if he begs.
Reply:Are you serious? Why are you putting yourself through this? I%26#039;m sure you are beautiful inside out and more than capable of taking care of yourself and being independent. Don%26#039;t let this leech ruin your life and slow you down from getting a real commitment you deserve. He treats you like dirt because by paying the bills and catering to him you tell him you don%26#039;t deserve respect. Have some pride and dignity and walk away. This isn%26#039;t real love, at least not on his part. He%26#039;s either totally insensitive or intentionally hurting you because he thinks he can by making cutting remarks. What a douche bag. Don%26#039;t let him woo you back, no flowers, chocolate, jewelry is worth putting yourself through his misery unless he really changes (long shot but if you love him -- he has to change, REAL visible changes) before you even THINK about getting back with him.
Reply:He is doing this because he knows your the head of the house and your the breadwinner and he is nothing. But he also know you let him treat you the way he wants to treat you. So, to get rid of his dependents feelings he abuse your feelings so he can feel in charge again.





Don%26#039;t buy him the things he wants only buy him the things he needs. You%26#039;ll have to stand up for yourself. It will be hard but take small steps at a time. And at the end everything will work out.





I wish you all the luck you need.
Reply:Wow, this situation sounds entirely to familiar. I%26#039;ve been in the same one before. Its easy for everyone else to tell you to get out and just as easy for you to ignore it. After all, they don%26#039;t know him, they don%26#039;t know how he jokes around. They don%26#039;t know the sweet things he says when he%26#039;s trying to get you to stay. You do. However, only you can say enough is enough. You have to decide that you CAN do better and deserve better.


The more that you do for him, you think, makes him appreciate you more. However, it does the opposite. The more you do for him the less he will respect you. He takes that as you not respecting yourself. Just like the compliments and the nice things he does mean more comming from him because its unusual, the nice things You do mean less because its common.


When i left i told him it was over. he said i was in a mood and just new he could woo me back. I let him think he was right then left without him having my number, address, or any way to contact me and change my mind. it sounds extreme but i knew that for me it was necessary. Do what%26#039;s necessary for you before its too late and you%26#039;ve lost money, confidence, self esteem, and way too much time.
Reply:Lady, love is not a game, please consider this sort of love relationship.





If I%26#039;m him I%26#039;ll not let you go, firstly you can provide my basic living, secondly I can take advantage of your emotion and do as I please and still you%26#039;re in my control.





Please don%26#039;t continue to hurt yourself, be firm and let go, if you don%26#039;t wish to let go the relationship then torlerate and %26quot;hoping%26quot; he will change for the better (question is when, n can you wait). Best of luck
Reply:I know this sounds bad, but he really doesn%26#039;t love you. Men that rely on women to take care of them are users. He will use you until you are buried deep in debt and then be on to the next sucker he can find. I%26#039;m sorry, but you are too good for him. You can get better in a Cracker Jack Box. Go get a real man and then have him kick this one a**.
Reply:read the first 2 sentances of the question and theres exactly where your going wrong, f*ck him out the door.
Reply:there%26#039;s nothing wrong with you sweetie, you have been doing good...to think about it, you done more than enough... and i say its enough. stop it. find someone else that can love you back, can treat you more than a cash machine and can appreciate what you are doing. contemplate, is it still love your feeling?? ...JcRaveN~
Reply:By taking him back after the first time you left, you invited more of the same and perhaps worse now. I%26#039;m not going to say that I pity you and feel sorry for you because it%26#039;s women like yourself that enable these Neanderthals to use and abuse you while the really nice guys ask %26quot;Why do women stay with men that treat them like crap?%26quot;. It%26#039;s obvious you haven%26#039;t a clue as to what a relationship is about. I suspect that he%26#039;s the one in control anyway so you will never be able to regain it until maybe when something really bad happens, which we may all hear about by then and asked for more opinions or votes. Play on or be played.
Reply:well the things he saying to you sounds like he is not joking why would he joke and hurt your feelings about something like that you are to safe he know you will not leave him that is why he treats you like trash if you started to be more controlling he will want you and feels like he will lose you so he will know you are not playing any games with him



White Teeth