My friend died...?

my good friend..who was only 41 years old..died in her sleep last week ...leaving two gorgeous boys ages 15 %26amp; 13....I spoke to her thru email everyday for the last seven years...I'm so sad..for her, her family...she had a rough life but always saw the bright side..she raised her boys all alone..and now what ??? what do they do now ??? I ffeel so guilty not going to the funeral...It was in Texas and I couldn't afford to fly there overnight from NY.... I sent flowers..but now what do I do ?? Im so sad and lonely without her...she didn't deserve this...after finally being able to be happy in her life and relax a little..she dies !!!! Im sorry if im just rambling..but how can God do this ??? I just don't understand...and I know all the religious people will answer and say..oh it was god's will and what will be will be ..but its JUST NOT FAIR...thanks for listening.....

My friend died...?
Send an Email to the boys telling them who you are and how much you thought of their mother. Apologize for not attending the funeral.





Tell them about how she told you about them and you feel like you know them.





Tell them about some of the things you and their mother used to do and what fun that you had and things you admired about her and thing she did that caused you to laugh. Give them this memory of her that they don't have.





Tell them about yourself, where you live what you do and what your interests are. Tell them you would like to stay in touch with them and if there is anything you can do to help them to let you know. Give them your Email address, postal address and phone number.





Keep the Email as much upbeat as possible.
Reply:My condolences to you and your friend's family. Don't be mad at God. If you loaned something out it would still belong to you, right? Psalms 24 says, "The earth is the Lord's, the fullness thereof and those that dwell therein."


God loaned your friend to the world as he loans us all. He loves her more than any human could. He made her and has called her spirit home. She is enjoying a rest in him you won't be able to concieve until you do the same. If you could know it you would never call her back to the suffering of this world. You must accept his divine wisdom and say like Job, "The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh. Blessed be the name of the Lord."





Disbelief and anger are a part of grieving. However, be careful not to turn your back on the one who is the source of your help.


Contact your friend's family. Ask for an address and send the boy's cards on the holidays, their birthdays and include such monetary gifts as you can. Perhaps you'll develop a relationship with them over time and can honor their mother's memory by extending your friendship to them. Simple, "thinking about you" cards would be enough. You don't want to overwhelm them with your grief.


In time you'll feel better. Good memories will replace your grief. It is a process.
Reply:life isnt fair just think of it as god was ready for one of his angels
Reply:So sorry. We have questions in life that will never be answered. I don't know why it happen. I don't think it was God or fate. Its not fair but, in time the pain will pass.
Reply:i know how you feel you probably ask why? i dont know im sorry
Reply:I'm sorry about your losing a good friend.





I don't know why things like this happen, but, you have the good memories of her, and her boys at least will have the memories of growing up with her.





It's hard, I know. Take each day one at a time, and I hope you will feel better.
Reply:O, I'm so sorry that happened...how sad...
Reply:I hear you loud and clear. I just lost my brother he was only 39 and had liver cancer which was just found in March.


Never feel regret, it won't help. I asked myself the same question "If there is a God, why would he do this". Everyone says there are reasons for everything, but the reasons don't equate when you have lost someone close to you.


I have sought some grief counseling and it really helps. Give it a try, and talking to people is good.
Reply:I am sorry for your loss. You are right, it's not fair; to the kids, her family, and to her friends including you. It's also OK to be angry about her death. I lost someone very close to me. It's been a year and a half and I am still angry, confused, upset, depressed, you name it.....


I know you want to reach out to her family. You should. Write them each a letter expressing how much you loved and admired their mother. You can write them several letters over as much time as you wish. Tell them what a wonderful person their mother was. Tell them a story or two about their mother and how she displayed her favorable characteristics. It will help you, and it will also help them. They will keep your letters forever. I tell you this from my own experiences. It was so comforting to me to receive letters from people who knew my daughter. I still read them from time to time. Do not expect a letter in return. For as bad as you're hurting, their hurt is multiplied several times. That's not to say your pain is not justified. It is. It's real. I know. I know that you know that.


If it will help in your recovery, go to Texas as soon as you can, but don't worry about getting their overnight. Go when you can.


Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems you don't want to hear this: It is true and it may be comforting to you to know that there IS a heaven and your friend is there. In heaven, there is love everywhere and between everyone. It might help you to imagine a world like that and how wonderful it must be for your friend to be there. I'm not a religous fanatic but it's the only source of comfort I have found.


I wish you well and truly hope that you find real comfort from your pain. God bless.
Reply:You're right - its not fair. But it is God's will.





Maybe his plan was for her to figure out how to live in peace before he brought her home?





Is it fair to her boys? No. Maybe God knows they have the strength needed and taught to them by a loving mother to move through this tough time and become great young adults?





I don't know. Sorry to hear of your loss. Please know that God does a reason, even if its nowhere near being apparent to us at the time.





I work in healthcare and could ask this question multiple times per week at the hospital. Funny thing is - over time, I've come to accept that the man upstairs does have a plan - he just doesn't always feel the need to clue us in on it before carrying it out.





Again - sorry for your loss and hopefully you can offer some support (emotional or otherwise) to your friend's boys.
Reply:I know it isn't fair and as for her boys this is horrible. I don't know if she was sick or if this was just something sudden that happened unexpected but either way it's horrible. I know now that you're going to be lonely. All I guess you can do now is know that she is with you in spirit and that you can talk to her anytime you want and do whatever you can do for her boys that way you will know you did all you could after she was gone. I'm sorry for the passing of your friend.
Reply:There is nothing anyone can say to make it right but hopefully I can offer you some empathy. My father recently passed away after totally changing his life after a long run of drinking and drugs. He got a great job, good women, and was a role model for all that knew him, only to pass away from cancer a year later. All I can say is that things do happen, normally they aren't fair, but we can keep them alive through memories. My condolences to you and her sons.
Reply:You have a right to your feelings rather you believe in God "god" or not. Be mad be sad be whatever it is that you have to be in order to get over it. If you can stay in contact with her family maybe that will help you feel better, actually being apart of the after process.
Reply:Wow..I'm so sorry.





I believe, no matter how much it sucks, that this was God's plan for her. My freshman year in high school, my best friend%26amp;%26amp;my boyfriend of 2 years died from double pneumonia. Philip was 16 [[a sophomore]] a straight A student, an active member of FFA and Drama clubs. Everyone loved him. We went to an FFA competition on Friday..he got a "cold" on Sunday, I visited him on Monday and Tuesday morning his mom called me to tell me he had passed. It was devastating. . . I cried all that day, and all night until I ran out of tears and just dry-sobbed. It felt like my heart had been ripped out. At his funeral I put a gerbera on his coffin...our favorite flowers and said goodbye for the last time. Its not fair. It wasn't fair and it never will be "okay" with me. But nonetheless, I believe it was God's plan for him, and for me. I have changed my life so much since his death and I am such a better person. Philip was a ray of light in this world...and he did all the good he was meant to do soo so fast that God wanted him back. I'll be with him again some day. As for now, I just have to remember that God has a plan for me too..and giving up is not part of it.
Reply:I'm so sorry..My thoughts are with you. I am decade younger than your friend but I have friends around her age and I know how young that is. That is just unfair.





My advice to find someone you can talk to about this and will support you through this.





Perhaps she was sick and didn't realize it. I don't think God did this. Sometimes young people just get sick and die and makes no sense and its not fair!
Reply:Well the Good Book says that we are to remember that people who 'pass on' are freed from strife and sorrow, unlike the rest of us. She has gotten her reward and is in a better place and happy now.





The ones to feel for are her children, who have lost their mother. They will always miss her and they are still so young. Perhaps if you were to take an interest in them and help them as they grow up, no doubt it would please your good friend.
Reply:i had a friend die too, and I couldn't make it to the funeral b'cause my ex would be there; who threaten me not to show up
Reply:I'm sorry for your loss. And I did not just do this for points I am genuinly a good person and I know how it is to lose someone. I think its the hardest thing to go thru. So just take your time grieving. If you don't now it will always sneak up on you and you'll just feel sad and not know why.
Reply:*OUCH*
Reply:So if I can't talk about God's will then I will have to say that no one said life was fair.
Reply:You are right it is not ever fair, it is not our place to understand and it is ok to hurt and to be mad. You lost someone that you loved and you will miss her. Go ahead to be mad at God he can handle it. In time you will heal some and start to see the plan. Be mad, I know that I have been mad everytime I have lost someone. I just lost my mother 6 months ago. Never easy
Reply:wow!! im sorry to hear that..
Reply:loook, everything happens for a reason. I understand how you feel. I have had 41 close relativesfriends die in the past, and its really hard, but you need move on, well try to. Maybe a few thearopy sessions will help you. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.



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