Cousin died, think that i did enough?i last saw him 15 years ago & 20+ yrs since i saw his parents?

i'm on the east coast he is on the west coast. as soon as i heard of his passing i went online and ordered flowers and had them delivered to the family. i put my brother and father's name also along with mine on the card to let the family know that you are sorry for the loss. i couldn't fly out there for the funeral because the cost of the flight was expensive. even tho i think that flowers are enough, when i spoke to my dad he told me over and over and over again literally 10 times to call them. i'm extremely irritated. when people are freshly mourning telling someone that you are sorry for their loss over the phone doesn't seem like it's very consoling. i'm also irritated that my dad seems so excited that i'm talking to this side of the family who are asian, but doesn't seem to care about his side of the family who is black and that's y i think he is bugging about me calling. i did tell him that i would call them in a week or two but that wasn't good enough for him. what do u think?

Cousin died, think that i did enough?i last saw him 15 years ago %26amp; 20+ yrs since i saw his parents?
When you haven't been in contact with family for a long time due to distance, you did exactly what is appropriate. And that should be enough. If you want to look to See if the funeral home has on line condolences, and send a email saying sorry I can't be with you in your time of sorrow.
Reply:When some one in your family dies it is customary to express your condolences for their lose, you sent flowers, you said you would call, as long as you do, I don't think your father needs to pressure you any furthur.


However, you mention at least twice that your fathers side of the family is Asian, I fail to see what that has to do with anything.
Reply:Unless you can prove that there is any racist involvment, I would say that you should just tell him that we have different ways of dealing with someones death,





Everyone does it differently and so everyone will have a different opinion. He should not be interfering with what you think is right.





CREED
Reply:Give them a call, I think they would appreciate you more, it is more personal with a phone call.
Reply:You are old enough to make your own decisions. But with that being said, even though they are hurting, hearing your voice would be somewhat of a comfort to them. Just call and tell them how sorry you are and let them know that you are there if they need to talk. You don't know how much just hearing you say that would mean to them. Start dialing.......
Reply:I think it would be very nice if you would sit down and write them a letter. In the letter, express your sympathy and then you could write some very special memories about the cousin which might comfort them at this time. The phone call, as you indicated, might be hard right now because they are mourning and probably won't even remember details of the conversation. You know, you get so involved and are feeling all kinds of emotions that the days all run together when you are going through all that is involved after a death. I am sure they would understand your not coming to the west coast but the fact that you sent flowers will be appreciated. Regarding your letter; it is very comforting to have words on paper that you can go back and read after the funeral and when you are alone. Memories help sustain each of us as we go through our losses. Write the note and then, if you feel you would like to talk to the family, call in a few weeks when things are a little less chaotic. Don't be mad at your Dad. He is probably happy that you have a link with the other side of the family and that is a good thing. Whatever is his reason for not having dealings with his own family is between he and them. Don't let his feelings and thoughts interfere with how you are feeling and what you are doing. It has to be what is right for you and it has to be for the proper reasons. Tell him that if he chooses to call, then he should do it but that you are handling it the way you think it makes more sense and then do it your own way. Rekindling the family ties may be a good thing for you. You do live on different coasts so it is hard to have a close relationship but, you are showing them that you are part of the family and are sharing in this loss even though you are a distance from them. That is what families are for; they support one another in time of need.
Reply:I often think when something like this happens alot of guilt and anger are directed at the wrong people. i don't know your family situation but flowers are a nice way to show you are feeling there loss. try a letter its always better than a phone call and says much more.



make up