My mom died last night,we have'nt seen or spoke for over 10 years,i could not cry..what's wrong with me?

I posted a question last week saying that my mom was sick and should i go to see her after 10 years, Thanks for all of your helpful answers...My mom died last night and I did not feel anything nor did I cry at all! My siblings are calling after 11 years expecting me to give them money for flowers and such, well i feel I will bring/send my own flowers if i feel the need and i don't want to have nothing to do with those IMBECELLES that have not thought a thing about me for over 10 years and now asking for money? give me a break! Am i wrong for not wanting to be bothered with those loooooooooosers? I guess some part of me still loves my mom but i can't get it together right now to visit the funeral home.

My mom died last night,we have'nt seen or spoke for over 10 years,i could not cry..what's wrong with me?
You sound bitter and angry at your birth family and those emotions keep you from feeling your real emotions due to the death of your mom. So sorry about your loss.





Talk to a professional.





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Reply:There is nothing wrong with you, and they shouldn't be calling you and asking for money after that long of a time. It is ok that you are not crying. You will deal with it in your own way. You are still mad at your mom, and only time can heal that.
Reply:Money won't help your mom anymore. Just ignore them. And if you don't feel anything for your mom, then, that's your right. When and if you feel the need to be at peace with your mom, you won't have to your house to do it. You can talk to the dead from your own home, you don't have to go to a grave site.
Reply:hi!





there is nothing "wrong" with you....





obviously, there were some family issues and you and your mother parted ways... i know how you feel, because i severed my relationship with my own father 15 years ago. i haven't looked back.





sometimes, we have to cut off relationships in order to take care of our own, emotional well-being. sadly, others may think it's wrong or even terrible that you haven't spoken with your mother, but they didn't live YOUR life, so don't know your circumstances. it's your life, and you have a right to YOUR feelings.





you are not obligated to help financially at this time, either.





we all do things for our own, good reasons. you are taking care of yourself, and that is what is proper and best.





take care.
Reply:Its all right, hon. You're grieving in your own way. And a death in the family will not likely change your entire aspect on life, no matter what the movies say. Especially if you haven't talked to them in 10 years. Go to the funeral, if you can. It could help you understand your feelings. Don't beat yourself up about not crying tho!
Reply:I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You've suppressed emotion over her for so long, it's hard to just bring it up. My dad died. I was close to him, but my life was stressful, and I had been emotionally numb for years. I got the call (he was ill too and only 58), and I didn't cry at all...until the next day. Unfortunately, it has been four years, and I still cry. But...as for your siblings...YOU DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. It's NONE of their business what you are comfortable doing or not doing. You have to deal and live with your choices and make them comfortable for yourself. Good luck and deepest sympathy on your loss.
Reply:you didn't cry because you didn't care or love her enough to cry.
Reply:Wow things happen in life you have to go on. Pay your last respects so you can have closure.
Reply:you will always love you're mother. but remember blood is thicker than water. send you're own flowers. don't let them rope you into anything you don't want to do. but also dont call them names because it may come back to haunt you later. i know been there done that. you will grieving youreown time and own way not everybody grieves the same so don't let any one make you feel guilty about the way you do it. for we are all different. but don't go publicly and call you're family names because it just isn't the right way to go about it. They will always be you're family no matter how you feel. i have a brother who lives less than 2 miles away and i see him when he needs something but that's okay because someday he will relize i was always here for him even if he was not for me. God does everything for a reason.Even the way we grieve. sorry for you're loss but remember don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or feel because you know you're own body and soul and will do it in you're time not there's,
Reply:You are hiding you pain, give them money for flowers, go to the funeral home and pay your last respects. Until you have done this you will be unable to deal with the grief to come, and it will. But as the saying goes time heals all wounds.
Reply:No, you can pay your respect to your mom when you feel ready to - I think if you do not head to the funeral you may regret it, but I am not sure - perhaps if there is a burial go there and stand off to the side - and do what makes you feel best. Bring a favorite flower of yours or something that is a happy memory from you and your mom (Try to dig deep for one)???


If you can't stomach the [family] go hours later or when you feel ready to let this grieving process go.
Reply:You are completely right, all the way. Give them nothing, send flowers yourself, if you feel you should. 10 years is a long time; if she did not move heaven and earth to get through to you, let it go. You were right all along.
Reply:Do what you feel is right and the Hell with anyone else's opinion. You are probably in shock. The crying will come later, when you least expect it.
Reply:Why have and had you rejected your own mother, this is terrible


why was your mother not a part of your life, my daughter disappeared


and became a prostitute over 10 years ago, seven years ago she left


and hit the streets, this is terrible because no matter who your mother


was you had no time for her or anything in her life.......................................





I know how that feels because the same thing happened to me................





It is both disgusting on your part and terrible that you never spoke to your


mother for that period of time.............now you cannot even fix the problem


up it is to late she is gone now........................................





This was selfish on your part, very selfish I do not know what to say, go to


the funeral, but what keeps children apart in some instances is their own


selfish and arrogant views on life itself.....................................





You did not honour or respect her because you put your own selfish needs


first...You did not deserve to even have a mother in this case, sorry but that


is the truth......................................
Reply:ALWAYS REMEMBER EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY!!!
Reply:DON'T be so hard on yourself,right now you have mixed feelings,the sadness,crying,greif will come,believe me.
Reply:I know the hurt of a family that is not kind. Go to the funeral just out of respect for the fact that she was your mother. Give them your share of the money for flowers. You are done!!!


You will have shown respect for a mother that did not do the same for you. You have turned the other cheek for the last time. My one sister and I did not exist in our family until my mother got ill. Then she wanted us to take care of her. I did do some . So I have no regrets. I did much more than the brother and sister, my mother gave everything . Be the bigger person and don't worry if you don't cry. I did not either. Neither did my sister who was treated badly. Your feeling had been killed along time ago, you did your crying over the years. Hold your head up high and show respect just because she was your mother not what she did for you or did to you. You are a better person. Good Luck and God Bless
Reply:You should go to the funeral. Even tho you havent spoken in 10 yrs it might help you to say good by to her and help you get over whatever it was that kept you two apart.
Reply:try to go to the funeral, you will be at peace, find it in your heart to forgive your family, you are not obliged to give money, that is your choice, if you dont go you might regret it later. Are you a mother yourself? I can tell you dont have kids, do the right thing and bury your mom who gave life to you and pay your respects
Reply:That is terrible news to hear and let me be the first to say....."I'm Sorry."


But now to the question at hand.


If it was my mother I would send something for my mother but I don't think I would send it directly to my family especially after all these long lost years.


But you have to ask your self this question, why can't I forgive my mother and family in this time of need?


That is the question at hand.


Your family needs you and your mom I sure would like to see you before the good Lord takes her home.


I don't know what happened to you and your family but things need to be forgotten and remember the loss of someone very special.


Even if you can't make the services you still need to go and see her and talk to her.


Remember she is your mother and i'm sure she did love you terribily.


My prayers are with you and your family.


Good Luck
Reply:Nothing is wrong with you OK some people deal with emotion diffrent and I'm sorry for your lost but your dealing with it in your own way your probably still in shock
Reply:You are just upset. Go ahead and send your own flowers, because in the end she still gave birth to you. I wouldn't send any money though. I would try and go to the funeral.
Reply:I had the same thing when my dad died, to start with you can pick your friends, you can't pick you family. Having said that I'll assume someone in the family contacted you about mom being sick, so not all of them are ate up with ignorance.


I could rail on an on but here's the bottom line. She was your mother, right wrong or otherwise. Out of respect for motherhood do what you can, just because the family is a few fries short of a happy meal, don't mean you have to stoop to their level, then your no better than them.


As far as the emotions, they may or may not come, depends on what had happened in your past.


I knew my father about 5-6 yrs. b/4 he died, and it was more like an acquaintance than a father. When my step dad died 7 yrs. ago I still haven't got over it


And from what I learned I make sure I tell my teenage son's and older step daughters I love them every day.


My wife like to see the "softer side of me"





Hope this helps
Reply:My sincerest condolences. It doesn't mean you're a cold, hard-hearted person for not crying. It also doesn't mean that you don't love or care for her. Your "Mother" file in your emotional cabinet is submerged somewhere under the feelings of anger, hurt, pain, rejection, unworthiness, resentment and longing for a mother who's been absent for 10 years. Don't feel bad about not crying-you were brave enough to take the first steps of forgiveness and reconciliation. Ignore your siblings, your mission is to find the "Mother" file. Good luck:-)
Reply:You will regret this for the rest of your life. When my father died in 2000 the last words that my sister had spoken to him were " I hope you people go straight to hell". He died several months later and she cant take it back. While your situation is not as extreme it is sad that you couldnt have had a relationship with someone as important as your mother before she died. I am sorry for your loss.
Reply:what kind of a daughter are you, not seeing your mom in ten years, not even a call, save your DAMN TEARS---she doesn't need them now from you any way. you should be ashamed---truly ashamed! and if i were you I'd take this offensive question off !!!!!!!!!! SHAME ON YOU !!!!!!!
Reply:Give it time to set in and then it'll hit you like a ton of bricks. I was present when my mother-in-law passed and I cried then. But, from that point on, I felt almost numb. About four weeks later, it hit me and I spent 2 days crying!





I can see you have some issues with your family, but remember that they are your family. You didn't get to choose them, they were choosen for you and they're the only one you get. I hate to hear about your mom and I know that you'll miss her; however, take this time to mend the fences with your brothers and sisters. I'm sure your mom would've wanted that and you all need each other right now.
Reply:Its hard when you lose a loved one. You do love her even if your relationship wasn't the best. Don't do anything you're not ready for. I couldn't bring myself to go to my best friend's funeral and be around all those people...a week later I went and sat at her grave alone and talked to her. I hadn't spoken to her in years and there was so much I had bottled up. Take your time and you may never cry about this but that doesn't mean you aren't saddened by it and it's not hurting you. As for the losers in your family, if you're going to send flowers send them from YOU and you only or bring them on your own and make it known they're from you and not for them. I'm sorry for your loss and state of mind right now. It will get less confusing and easier to understand with time.
Reply:Ten years with out a relationship is a long time. Maybe you didn't/haven't cried because you don't feel close to her. If you haven't seen her in 10 years anyway, where is the loss?





The reason people cry when someone dies is that they have lost someone they care deeply about. If you didn't have a relationship with her, then there is no reason to feel guilty about not crying.





That said, I am sorry to hear about your mother dying before the two of you could develop the sort of relationship where you would cry at her death,
Reply:Go to the funeral, send flowers, you'll never regret it.








On the other hand, if you DON'T go or send flowers, you may regret that.





Get over the hurt.
Reply:love is in the heart,and after all you have love left for your mother or not is not at all the question,she was your mother and you have to respect her for that and so go do your dutys,its once in the life time and never again.



make up