If you were a literary agent....would you accept this novel based on this synopsis?

William Matthews, his pregnant wife Jennifer and their two children


Mallory-seventeen and Daria-six have a perfect life--until the day


Jennifer is killed in a car crash. As William grieves, he begins planning his


wife`s funeral just hours after her death. As he copes with his grief,


he finds comfort in Isabella, Jennifer`s estranged and psychotic


sister. She slowly works her way into William`s life by taking advantage of


his vulnerability.





As William spends more time with Isabella, he finds


himself strongly attracted to her. He feels enormous guilt about this as


he still feels committed to Jennifer. Despite this, William acts on


his feelings with Isabella, causing him to isolate himself in sadness. As


he visits Jennifer`s grave seeking forgiveness, he is visited by


Jennifer in a dream. She offers him her forgiveness but also tells him that


it`s ok to move on with his life now that she`s gone, but she warns him


to stay as far away as possible from Isabella.





Under loyalty to his wife, William tells Isabella, he no longer wants to have dealings with her. This is where her psychotic instincts kick in. Despite William constantly telling Isabella he no longer wants to see her, she begins calling him day and night, she stalks him at home and tells lies to his boss which causes him to lose his job.





When William reports her activity to the police, they encourage


him to file a stay away order against her, but that does little to scare


Isabella away. Isabella takes her rage to a new level when she kidnaps


Mallory`s boyfriend and slaughters him with an icepick. She even goes


so far as to kidnap Mallory and Daria after school, only to return them


to William four hours later to a frightened William who has her


arrested on sight. When William finds out from investigators' that the cause


of Jennifer`s crash was due to her brakes giving out, he is suprised,


mainly because William hadn`t had problems with his brakes the day


before his crash, he becomes shocked when he discovers that Isabella has escaped from police custody.





Isabella becomes determined to set a new meaning to the phrase "if I can`t have you, no one else can," when she travels to William`s


house one night while he`s out. In what turns out to be an all night


terror fest, Isabella attacks William`s children and bounds them up to


their beds. When William returns, he finds his wife`s favorite flowers


on his doorstep--white roses covered in blood. He knows they`re from


Isabella. He goes inside and discovers his children and immediately makes


an attempt to flee the house, but he gets attacked by Isabella.





To send more pain and anger his way, Isabella drags Daria to the basement with Mallory and William following along. Immediately, Mallory and William


discover Mallory`s boyfriend`s dead body. With pleading from William


and Isabella`s revelation to him that she`s Jennifer`s sister and that


she fixed Jennifer`s brakes, Isabella stabs Daria in the chest before


fleeing the house to escape. As William watches his daughter die, his mind snaps and he goes into a blind rage. After sending Mallory to the police station for help, William goes out searching for Isabella and finds her at her house, preparing to skip town.





William and Isabella have a final showdown as they begin a physical battle against each other. Despite William`s built stature, he finds Isabella winning the fight, but as the struggle carries on into the living room, William grabs a hold of a fireplace polk and manages to stab her in the neck, killing her within seconds.





As a year passes, William and Mallory try to stabilize their lives after the deaths of Jennifer and Daria by moving out of their town, but as they visit Jennifer and Daria`s grave and surround their tombstones with roses one final time, they realize despite them moving on, they will never forget the pain and loss that changed their lives forever

If you were a literary agent....would you accept this novel based on this synopsis?
First of all, I just want to say that you have come up with something original and original is very good!


However, before I could ever want to buy this book I want to say the following....





I found very little hope in that story outline. And when I go look for books I want something that is going to either a) enlighten me or b) lighten me up.





As an example, "Henry Meets The Great Society" is a tragedy about a man who watches his entire life, family included, slip out of his hands and into the control of the "modern machine". It ends with his death and leaves you feeling very empty for about five seconds until you realize what you have learned from the story. It is a bitter tale, but it informs the reader. And truth gives hope.





The second kind of of story I look for is one that will lift me up more directly. Books like "Scaramouche: A Romance of the French Revolution" or "The Count of Monte Cristo" do contain hopeless situations and lots of violence but they end with a glimmer of truth that gives hope. The characters leave us with the impression that "there is something left for to live for".





Your story, as it appears here, leaves me with an impression of meaninglessness and futility. The characters seem to be living for two reasons: to be murdered violently and to violently murder.


Maybe you didn't have time to fit the "good" into your synopsis. If what you mean to communicate through this story is that there is no good, or that good is only transitory and elusive then you have succeeded. I doubt that, however, and I hope you will rethink this synopsis and find a way to infuse a little glimmering light into the material.





Disclaimer: what I'm NOT saying is to make your story have a "happy ending". I'm not saying that at all! Many excellent books have been written that are dark and end miserably. HOWEVER, they also inform the reader about a greater human condition and many times they leave the reader feeling like he has a choice to make in his own life.
Reply:Hello...it's me...Palaneseya, and the name of this novel is going to be called Bloody Roses, I'm thinking of naming it that because roses have an important signifigance in the story...as you all will read once it's published. Thank you all for your kind words towards my synopsis! :)
Reply:I'm a published author----Case in point, you are brilliant, and you have the gift! I'm honestly bored with 98% of what I read on here, but I gotta hand it to you, it is very good reading.





Email me and I will help you if you would like.





FalconMan1960@aol.com
Reply:I know I'm no expert, but I really enjoyed reading your synopsis. It seems quite original and I can imagine it having a poetic, heartwrenching feel to it. Publish it! I want to see this at a bookstore!
Reply:Nope. Not because the synopsis isn't interesting, but because it's wordy and not tightly written, suggesting that the novel may be the same.





I pulled a single paragraph, literally at random, to illustrate:





Isabella becomes determined to set a new meaning to the phrase "if I can`t have you, no one else can," when she travels to William`s house one night while he`s out. In what turns out to be an all night terror fest, Isabella attacks William`s children and bounds them up to their beds. When William returns, he finds his wife`s favorite flowers on his doorstep--white roses covered in blood. He knows they`re from Isabella. He goes inside and discovers his children and immediately makes an attempt to flee the house, but he gets attacked by Isabella.





That’s 97 words. Compare it to 66:





Determined to amplify “If I can’t have you, no one can,” Isabella visits William’s house when he’s out. In an all-night terror fest, she attacks his children and binds them to their beds. On his return, William finds her gift on his doorstep: his wife’s favorite flowers, white roses, covered in blood. Inside he rescues his children, but before he can flee with them, Isabella attacks.





I'm not saying my rewrite is better, but it's more efficient, using only about 2/3 as many words.





A literary agent is going to recognize wordiness and might well base a rejection on it, even if the content seems interesting.
Reply:It does seem interesting, however I found it a little wordy and repetitive. Try using a thesaurus to add some variety.


There were also a few errors in grammar and sentence structure, and there is no such thing as a "stay away order" - I believe you are referring to a restraining order.


That said, it sounds like it might turn out to be an engaging novel; I wish you the best of luck!





x.Cassidy.x
Reply:That was really good!!! I would totally read that story, post the title so I can read it once it's publised ;)



acting resources