How would you have coped.....death of a loved one?

well when i was 13 my brother was tragically killed on a motorbike, i remember the funeral was terrible and i remember watching my parents go through hell, and me mainly confused, and not long after my dad fell ill, he was diagnosed with diabeties and angina, when i was 15 my dad died of a heart attack, the second worst day of my life, i remember feeling for years that it wasnt real, he was just gone away, yeah fat chance. i blocked it out and then at 18 an alcoholic i had a break down, the anti depressants really helped me, now i see it as they are always looking over me and my kids, how would you have coped with this, and how would u deal with it now..


i take my kids to the graves we put flowers on, my 5 year old asks when there going to come see the flowers we put in there garden, which is sweet, i think u have to keep there memory alive and theyll always be with you, thanx for listening

How would you have coped.....death of a loved one?
I don't know how I'd have coped as a child but my sister died three years ago when I was 25. She was an alcoholic and died of pneumonia aged 31. I'm not surprised your dad fell ill shortly after your dear brothers death. The same happened to my dad. I believe it's part of an intense grieving process. I adored my sister and miss her more and more every day. I am currently getting some therapy which I think is helping. My children call my sisters grave her " angel bed" and they think she comes down from heaven to sleep there at night. I think your dad and brother are waiting for you with open arms and remember a life time for us is only a few hours in eternity. Pray for your loved ones and I'm sure they'll be safe. And as for you....you must keep their memories alive. I will never think of myself as only having one sister ( I still have one sister alive). I'll always have two. And you'll always have a brother too. Your dad and brother and my sister are probably laughing at us right now!! I hope you can deal with your grief and look after those little ones of yours. My thoughts are with you xx
Reply:I am so sorry to hear about your loss





My God bless you and your family. And nothing tragic comes on days ahead.





i havnt seen anyone or known anymore close die luckily. but am scared and worried about my dad (you can see my question asked today)





I been crying alot recently - and my husband is worried about me as he said the way i been crying is almost as if he was dead, when he isnt. I dont think i can cope very well.





Its good that that they will always remain in your heart and thoughts. Dont let it disappear. Always remember they looking down at you, just like God is (if you beleive in God of course)





You inspire others that they can cope with loss and life isnt the end.
Reply:I am still trying to cope with the sudden death of my partner. I found him dead just over three years ago. I tried to revive him. This triggered off PTSD. I am receiving trauma therapy which is helping a lot and has also uncovered other traumas which I need to sort through too.





I don't think there is a right or wrong way of coping with the death of a loved one. There are so many emotion involved and it is hard to see a way through it all. It must have been awful for you losing your brother and then your father. I think you did extremely well to come through all that and start your own family. I think keeping their memory alive is a good thing to do. They were a big part of your life and your children will grow up knowing and caring about them too.





:-)))
Reply:There was a time when it was pretty common for people, even young people to die. I think coping was easier then, you mourned, and yet it was an acknowledged part of life, with hope of heaven and Resurrection. The Victorians were so taken with this that they had elaborate hair pictures and death mementos made in honor of the departed.


Things changed with the advent of hospitals, fewer people died at home and it began to be seen as something apart from family life. Now no one wants to speak of it or wants to think it can happen in their family. No one is prepared for the end of a life.


I've lost a child, a father, a mother, grandparents, a young cousin, several friends, I coped by feeling sad, angry, at a loss, I found a bit of help in a Buddist tenet, "It is not necessary to understand, it is merely necessary to accept".
Reply:It sounds as if you have had it a little rough, and my heart goes out to you. It is hard to deal with the death of a loved one, as many of us know. Many people, myself included, did not have the comfort of a loving family at the time, and counselling is sometimes not offered. Myself, I blanked the death of my child out of my mind, packed all his belongings away, but did keep a few trreasured memories in a rucksack, which is only looked at when times are really bad, and I feel the need to release some sadness. It has been 21 years this year, and the pain is still to be unleashed :(
Reply:YES!!!...I was going to sympathise,though you truly DON'T need that sympathy because you know they're still there watching over you...you're right!If you haven't read it yet,you might like to get a copy of 'Conversation With God' by Neale Donald Walsh;it's not a bit religious,but it's full of warmth,humour and truth xxx Never let anyone shake what you know,...have a great life.
Reply:this may sound a bit extreme but i probably would have killed myself. to lose the most important people in my life, i wouldnt have seen the point in living anymore. you're a VERY strong person.
Reply:i'm very sorry for your losses.. i can't even imagine how you felt.. you seem like a really strong person..





i honestly couldn't tell you how i would have coped.. i've never experienced a loss like that.. i'd probably end up in therapy at some point..





i'm sorry this isn't much of an answer.. but i wish you the best.. and i think you have a good outlook on this.. i'm sure they're watching over you and are proud..
Reply:berevement counciling worked for me but took 9 years after my mum died suddenly
Reply:I've lost a few people close to me over the years and some not under ideal circumstances.





It is good to keep their memory alive, but don't hold on too much as I'm sure they want you to have the best life out there.





I know this sounds harsh, but your head needs to let go first, otherwise you will become dependant on other things to cope. I'm glad to hear that your heart is recovering slowly and time will always be the best doctor and friend.





I tried to run away from the hurt, but they eventually caught up with me in a bad way. I'm slowly discovering the person I used to be and my life is now back on the road to success.





All the best.
Reply:My Mum was the nicest person you could have ever wished to meet, she always put others before herself, never smoked, nor drinked, kept fit and looked after herself. She was always there for us and for everyone that ever needed anything. She was basically a saint and so fit, healthy and happy that she was the LAST person that I ever even imagined loosing.





At 54 she was diagnosed with Breast cancer and by 59 she was gone, having endured nine operations, many more bouts of chemo, drugs and having a steel plate inserted into her back.





I was left wondering .....why?





Someone said that it would make sense that there was a heaven (or whatever you call it), if you considered that only the worthy would be allowed to enter. So we may wish to keep our loved ones here with us, but is it fair to wish that when a greater reward awaits them; if they are accepted to heaven (at whatever age) and we are left here to suffer on Earth, we should really be glad for them.





Now I am not one of your religious nuts, but I CAN see the argument FOR believing when you think about loss in this way.





I believe that my Mum now watches me and my Children from Heaven (or whatever you want to call it) and is enjoying her eternal life in Heaven as reward for the way her life was lived on Earth!
Reply:Yes, you can keep their memory alive but you don't have to keep the emotion and depression alive. We all die. It sounds morbid but everyone treats death as if it's never going to happen to them or their loved ones. It's a fact of life. Try not to bring your kids along that path. Teach them that death is natural but life is for living, learning and loving. Hope you're OK.
Reply:Gosh. First of all, that's a hard thing to encounter all in one blow when you were just a teenager. My brother died (he was 11 years old then. He died because of a sickness - meningitis with pneumonia complication) when I was 18 and it was the saddest day of my life so far. Until now, I still think of him and sometimes cry about it cause I miss him (so now, I'm just an only child) But, friends and family members have helped me move on. They were there when my brother passed away and until now they are still here to support me.





I guess it's for the best of our departed loved ones at least they're in much much better place now where they don't experience pain and the other bad things we experience on earth. Let us let them have their peace.
Reply:my nan has just secretly had her lung removed, she did'nt tell anyone b'cos my auntie has terminal cancer and she knows she wud have tried 2 look after her, They're both very strong people and their minds want to do things their bodies won't let them do. I'm so close 2 them both and can't face losing them. I have 2 kids to focus on but feel like I won't b able 2 cope. All I can say is b strong 4 ur kids and only remember good times u had with ur dad and brother. Well wishes x



c++