My neighbor died this week. What are the appropriate social actions/gestures that I should make?

Our neighbors aren't close friends, but we're on speaking terms and they called on us many times to help with their aging mother.





Other than saying I'm sorry and telling her what a great daughter she had been to her mother and telling her to let us know if she needs anything, all I can think of is a card and flowers. Is that enough? I don't think that there will be a funeral to attend.

My neighbor died this week. What are the appropriate social actions/gestures that I should make?
They will receive more flowers than they know what to do with. I find taking food by is far more useful and appreciated, especially once the funeral is done and everyone has gone back to their business. That is just when the shock of it all hits and the grief truly begins. Losing a spouse or child is never easy and finding motivation for even the simplest activities can be challenging. A nice lasagne, soup, or roast can provide nourishment as eating is one of the first things we neglect when we're grieving. That is thoughtful of you to want to help and I'm sure they will be appreciate it more than you will ever know. Other things you can do is shovel their walk/mow the lawn (depends where you live) while you are out doing your own. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture, but rather the little things are what mean the most. God bless you!
Reply:Keeping the lines of communication open and really meaning what you say will be more than enough. Check in on your neighbor every once in a while to find out if all is well. Most people will not initiate a step toward your offer of letting you know if they need anything. Send a card and flowers only if you plan to continue to be a support, otherwise, just verbally send your condolences.
Reply:The most popular thing to do (in the South, at any rate) is to take the family food. A coworker of mine lost her father a few months ago, and she said the best things she received were: boxes of Kleenex, aluminum foil, ziploc bags, etc. for wrapping up all the leftover food, and plastic cups, paper plates, napkins, and trash bags for all the guests who were eating at her house. she also said that some of her neighbors went in together and rented them an extra refrigerator to keep some of the food.





Maybe that'll give you some ideas.
Reply:Sounds like you know exactly what to do. Some people make a covered dish that can be reheated to send to the family.
Reply:Aka San is right.





A casserole or something that re-heats well is ideal.





Don't worry about what to say; sometimes, there ISN'T anything adequate. Just take them a covered dish, and don't forget them in the future.
Reply:Whatever I did, food, etc. I would not let that be the only thing. I would certainly let them know they could call on me if they needed to talk or for other things.


I would prolly stop by occasionally as well, not often, but perhaps a few times a year if I did not see them out.


--That Cheeky Lad
Reply:you could ask the family if they need anyone to be picked up or dropped off at the airport, many times people come in from out of town and they need rides





sending flowers to the funeral home is always nice and not that expensive
Reply:Send them a card. If there is a viewing, attend for about a half hour to 45 minutes to pay your respects. They'll get more food than they can store, so if you have extra freezer space, offer it to them. I usually wait until I know that they're running out of food and then take them a meal. It's always greatly appreciated.


Sorry for your loss. Even if you weren't close, it's still sad.
Reply:I think what you've already planned to do is enough, because you helped many times as a neighbor.
Reply:I don't have anything to add to this list of great suggestions .....


but I do want to say that I'm impressed and heartened by everyones kind comments.
Reply:Sounds like you are doing fine, a card, some flowers, all are fine things to do.


In our area, we put a bit of cash in the card, five bucks or so, to help with expenses, more if you can afford it. Not everyone can afford flowers.


A covered dish is nice, or take something that will keep a few days if they are already overloaded with dishes.


Some things that have been suggested here and I have heard elsewhere are gift cards to the local grocery, a fruit basket, a plant, finding out if the family named a charity and sending it money, gift card for a favorite fast food or restaurant.


If you wish, offer your time. Tell the neighbor to call you if she needs to talk, or offer services, mow the yard, wash the car, water the garden, make a run to the grocery,do errands, even some stamps would be good, if you are sure there are thank yous that need to be mailed, offer help with those.


Hope this gives you some ideas. My sympathy to you on the loss of a neighbor.
Reply:Well you may want to make a dish of food. Because when you are dealing with a death you really do not feel like cooking and you still need to eat. If you do not know how to cook, go to a deli or something like that to take over. That's what we do in the South, I live in Nashville, Tn
Reply:Flowers and a condolence card are fine. You might also consider asking if she needs anything from the store when you go. She may not feel up to going and might appreciate your picking up a few things for her.
Reply:It sounds like you have done all you need to do. One nice extra would be to take a meal to the family. Casseroles are nice because they can be frozen and used for later.
Reply:It is....but for some reason my family members always send a neighbor baked goods or something to eat....never knew why they did that.
Reply:The best gesture is to say "We are sorry to hear of your loss. If there's anything you need, we're here for you", and mean it. Beyond that, there's not much anyone can do, which is why many people shy away from the issue. Bringing or sending food is always a kind gesture, as are cards and flowers.
Reply:My son died suddenly from leukemia, and my neighbors (who I didn't really know that well) came over and offered to let people park in their driveway, and mowed our front yard, swept the walkway and emptied our trash. They also offered to let our little dog stay at their house on the day of the funeral (since there were so many people at our house - and our dog was nervous around so many people) It was nice to not have to worry about the dog at that time. I know that sounds like really simple dumb things, but it was so helpful. I hope that helps.





Of course food is always appreciated. But another thing that is helpful is someone bringing paper plates, plastic silverware, styrofoam cups and napkins, trashbags and toilet paper and Kleenex. (there are always so many people - and you just can't even think at a time like that). Even ice, soft drinks or a can of coffee are so much help.





Again, I hope that helps give you some ideas.
Reply:Yes, card, flowers, %26amp; any little favor they might ask is fine. Don't go overboard. You're not on Walton's Mountain and even then, they respected people's privacy.
Reply:Make your favorite dish or dessert and give it to them. In many cultures, eating is what they do. It reminds the family and friends that life goes on and people actually find solace in eating.



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