What can I do..?

I have a great friend who just lost her young daughter to SIDS. What can I do to help her cope or help her with anything without asking?





I've gotten flowers for her burial and attended both the wake and the funeral. I also intend on visiting the site..I just don't know what to say to her to help her. It's tough..I'm not good with words. I call her once every other day to check up on her and this just happened very recently.

What can I do..?
I think you are doing great so far. Let her initiate any conversations about the baby, some want to talk about their loss or the child, some don't want to think about it at all. Never force her to talk about it but don't stop her if she does. Keep in touch, take her out for coffee, groceries, lunch, to the park, anything to get her out of the house once in a while. If she seems to be going off the deep end don't hesitate to mention grief counseling, in fact contact the local hospital to find out when and where the meetings are so that if she is open to the idea you have the information handy. If she's resistant but you are concerned about her behavior the hospital or members of the grief group can tell you what you can do to help her. In fact if the meetings are open to the public you can go and talk to the members before and after the meeting for their suggestions. Basically you just need to be there for her and it sounds like you are doing that, keep it up!
Reply:You are a good friend. Just let her know that if she needs anything (or just talk), you are there for her. If you live close to her, try going out with her, change of scenery, doing some kind of project will help her grieve. Sitting idle at home alone is very very bad. So go shopping with her, join a book club, health club.. something to keep busy.
Reply:You're doing great with calling. I think you should keep doing that for a long, long, time.





Why do you ask how you can help her without asking? I don't think that asking her what she needs would be such a bad thing. Maybe she has something she does need, that you could offer, that she doesn't feel that she can ask. I think it would be okay if you ask her. Do you live near her? If so, you should ask in person. Just a simple "What can I do for you? Is there anything you need?" would mean a lot.





Good luck. Keep calling. :o) She'll never forget her daughter, of course, and it will mean so much to her if she knows you aren't forgetting, either.
Reply:I think the first poster said something very true; it would be so considerate to ask her what you can do or what she needs. Dealing with a death in a friend's family can be so hard because you want to do the right thing, but don't know what that thing is. By asking and letting her tell you what she needs (maybe just someone to cry with or hug, even) you will take this huge weight off her shoulders and your own. She may not be asking for help but she would probably be thankful to have it offered.





You sound like a great friend and I'm sorry for the loss in your life. So very sad.



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