Grieving family. Tragic death of an infant! What can I do?

My boyfriend's grandson just died yesterday. He was 8 months old. He jumped out of his crib and suffocated in some pillows. His daughter is torn apart. The funeral is Saturday and Mother's Day is Sunday. She also has a 3 year old boy. My boyfriend drove 9 hours to be there. He is treating his daughter and son-in-law to massages. He is getting her a locket of both the boys. I sent flowers and a card and money. People have brought them food. I just don't feel like I've done enough and I want to do more. I can't be there because of work and financial issues. I feel so hopeless. I could never imagine losing my child! Does anyone have any comforting words or suggestions that I can offer them in this horrible time? Is there anything I can do from here. I don't have a lot of money but I have a lot of love to give.

Grieving family. Tragic death of an infant! What can I do?
I am So Very Sorry for this loss.


I have experienced a loss myself.








Keep checking in on them. Even 3 months, 6 months down the line. After about a month it starts to feel like everyone has forgotten and that is very depressing. Put the baby's birthday in your calendar and remember to honor it. And on other holidays as well. Talk about baby. It may hurt but one of the most important things is that others don't forget. And when people are awkward about the loss it is harder. Avoid using cliches when talking about the loss such as "it was Gods will" etc... Its important they don't feel like it was their fault.





You may want to gather a list of resources in your area and offer it to the family. Lost cost counselors, support groups, etc..





Also there are some herbs that are Extremely helpful during this time:


1. Ignatia (Homeopathy for loss of an infant child specifically)


2. Rescue Remedy (Stress reliever)


3. Valerian (Sleep aid)


4. Nettle tea (mix with mint and raspberry leaves)


5. Tincture of Lemon Balm 6pts %26amp; Motherwort 2pts


You can find them all online or in a health store.








Feel free to email me with questions etc...


NatashaChandiJoseph@gmail.com











Here are some resources you may find helpful:





This website has a whole section on How To Help.


I just created a website with helpful tips and resources:


http://www.freewebs.com/redpowerlady





There are two web forums that are very close to my heart.


There are Moms on there who have experienced losses.


I go to both forums. It is so helpful to have other moms to talk with.


Healing our Broken Hearts:


http://www.hobh.org


Mommies of Angels:


http://forums.delphiforums.com/mommiesof...
Reply:You might look at the sites below for some tips. The first one has a page of suggestions for caring friends and family.





Really, there are no words of comfort at a time like this. "I'm sorry" just about covers it.
Reply:I am crying. I have an 8 month old son too. I want to go pick him up out of his crib and hold him!





"Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5)
Reply:I dont think anyone should feel guilty, altho I have learned it is one of the many steps to acceptance.


Just be there for them to talk to, sending flowers and a card was a great idea.


If you are creative you could write them a poem,


I lost my granma and grandpa to cancer, I know its not the same as losing a baby, that would literaly break my heart, but my point is there isnt really much you can do, just have an open ear and shoulder to cry on. I hated it when people would try to comfort me too much about my grandparents, sometimes people just need to be alone.


I am really sorry to hear about this. A lady at my sisters daycare lost her baby that was only a few weeks old to SIDS. I can only imagine what that must feel like, if anything happened to my daughter I would probably feel dead inside.


Try to be a little cheerful, best of wishes to you and the family!
Reply:What a sad story!!! I lost my 7 month old daughter due to a heart defect/surgery back in 1984. I know how tragic the death of an infant is... It's hard to be there for someone, when you can't be with them. When you do see the parents, be sure to openly speak about the child and your memories of the child. Even though family and friends ease the pain of the loss, the parents have to deal with it themselves. It will be a long grieving process, it will subside with time but it will never go away. Try suggesting "Compassionate Friends", a meeting group for anyone who's lost a child, no matter what age...
Reply:My mother lost my brother when he was 30 days old, on Christmas because of SIDS disease, a year before I was born. Now Christmas is understandably a difficult time for her, and I understand how you feel. All you can do is offer her words of comfort and let her know you are there for her (emotional/mental) support if she needs it. That's what someone who is going through something like this needs, not casseroles or money. Be understanding, and not condescending, that's really all you can do for her. Sometimes you'll feel like your not doing enough, but your doing all anyone can. I am so sorry this happened to her, and I wish you all the best of luck
Reply:My heart goes out to you and your family. As someone who has lost a child please let me assure you that there are no magic words that take away the hurt, but just knowing that your love is strong is very important. Send a letter expressing your feelings and check in with the bereaved parents frequently. Practical help such as food, money, etc really does help as the family will be in turmoil for some time. Remember that they will be suffering this loss for years. From my perspective it is ok for you to remember the baby when you speak to them. If they want to talk you can share all of your memories of their beautiful baby. However, they may also be very angry, guilty feeling, have marriage problems, etc. that will arise from this tragedy. Just be there for them in whatever way you are able.
Reply:The children's Christmas is simple and bright


They sing the music, they laugh in the light,


Sparkling colors are a magical spell,


Their instant joy flows bubbling and well.





But round that tree I see a space,


Beside the table an empty place,


A voice is missing, a form of grace,


The sweetness of a little lost face.





A vacuum was left by the child who's gone;


Though all seems right, yet it's terribly wrong.


I'd give up my Christmas, and gaiety fine,


To clasp that small hand again in mine.








I knew of girl who lost a child once and this was a poem I found for her to help her get through the pain. I understand how hard it is to cope and the hopelessness may last for a while...it is important to find solace in something that brings you comfort, such as poetry.





Remember: Heaven is not far and it only takes a lifetime to get there; that is not very long. Your loved ones will be waiting there for you.
Reply:I'm very sorry for the whole family, this must be a terrible time for everyone. I think most people have already said what I would have said, offer support and just let them know that you're there and to ask if they want/need anything. Money wont help at all although a small gift and definitely a card to show you're thinking of them may offer some solace. Nothing you do will ever feel enough, you cant bring their little boy back and that is the only thing that would make everything better. They will come to terms with this loss and it will get easier as time passes. Just keep on doing what you're doing, they could ask no more.
Reply:in times like these, people don't really know what to say. It also depends on the individual you are trying to console. Whatever the reaction is you need to reassure them that you will do everything in your power to support and help the family through this hour of need. Trying calling her on the phone to let her know she can count on you. Also try making something for her like a home made card of a basket with items like massaging oils, scented candles and fruit. Believe me there is nothing a person likes more than a little reassurance and a small gift. It tells people you care for them and are trying to understand how they feel. Good luck, and remember it probably not that easy at first, be patient.
Reply:How does an 8 month old jump out of a crib?



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