My grandfather passed away a couple of months ago, there was no funeral but I drove to see my mother almost 4 hours away to help with buriel arrangements. During this time my BF was great with me offered anything I needed but he never once offered his condolences to my grieveing mother, he even saw her less then 2 weeks later.
A couple of days ago his friends mother passed away (a friend that he talks to about every 2 months and sees about twice a year) and he has chipped in on flowers and gone to the visitation.
I don't know exactly what I feel but I am annoyed that he did not seem to care much about my mothers feelings (I even asked if he said anything to remind him, my mother was VERY offended) but he seems to be going all out for this friend.
Do I have a right to be annoyed?
p.s.- I haven't said anything to him yet in case I am being foolish
Do I have a right to annoyed by this?
maybe he didnt mean to be rude maybe he was just uncomfortable, i mean maybe he was nervous to speak about it with your mother incase she got upset.
it is rude, id be the same as you but im sure hes just tried to keep his distance cos if hes never met your grandfather or only on a few occasions maybe he felt like he was out of place and was invading space if you get what i mean.
wheras if he knows his friends mother fairly well or if there were other friends of his involved then he would feel abit more comfortable.
if i were you id just talk to him,an im sure he didnt in any way mean to upset you or your mother hes just being slightly incosiderate.
good luck and sorry for your loss
Reply:I don't think you should be upset! People deal with situations differently. He may have felt like she might have been offended or stepping on her toes if he had stepped in or tried to help. People are extremely moody and tend to overreact when they're in a situation like that. Just understand that if you're in a new relationship, or maybe he doesn't know you're mother well.. he was simply trying to be respectful and not step on toes! The friend situation was different because he probably felt like he knew them better and knew it wouldn't offend anyone! My great uncle passed away a few months ago,and because my bf and I haven't been together very long, he allowed me and my mother to go together, as he felt that was not the most suiting way to meet most of my family! I wasn't the least bit upset and completely understood his point of view. I hope you realize that he was probably just trying to be careful what he did, and be happy that he was there for you like he was!
Reply:Yeah.. don't say anything. Maybe he just didn't remember to console your ma. I find it weird she was more focused on him not extending his condolences to her than on her dead mother. This is a little ridiculous, just move on. What gives you the right to say how he should act when 2 different people die? Be annoyed if you want, but keep it to yourself. I'd be pretty upset if my "friend" approached me angrily because of something like this.
Reply:I would not be upset if it were me. He showed he loves you by supporting you through this whole thing. By not going out of his way to show your mother his condolences is not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe he's not that comfortable with talking to her and obviously with the friend he is. You should let him know that you were concerned about this and get his response and go from there.
Reply:Maybe he just didn't know what to say. Deaths are always hard. It is really hard to find the right words. Maybe he was scared she would cry if he mentioned it.
Perhaps you could just politely mention that your mother was upset he never said anything and maybe you could suggest he gives her a bunch of flowers and card or something.
I'm sure he wasn't being rude.
Reply:what did you expect him to do?
Reply:ask him to offer condolences, but don't make a big deal out of it,everyone's feelings are hurt at the moment.
Reply:I can understand what your saying in a way. But it's almost like your fighting over people who died. Like this persons family got flowers but this persons did not. Lets rumble!
Death is a hard thing for some people. He may not know how to handle it with your family as chances are he did not know your grandfather much, and may not know your mother much. (I assume since she lives 4 hours away). Yes it would have been nice for her to send her flowers or somthing. But he may just not have known how to handle it.
I would really give him the benifit of a doubt and think that he didnt mean anything bad about it.
Reply:Hi hun know exactly where your coming from!!
Hmm Yes i do think you have every right to be angry i tell you for why!
The ones you think who would offer their condolences Dont! Disgraceful
I myself Lost my Nana-and 2 Aunties in the same year and not one of my hubbys relations who we bother with rang to say how sorry they were to hear my devastating News!Which i was very close to them who i had lost
My hubbys mother %26amp; father were the ones who got me so angry by not saying im sorry kay you have had enough bad luck this year nope they said nothing and i mean nothing to me when i said ive had enough
And to hear my hubby tell me his repulsive parents had said well her aunties smoked didnt they I was sooooooooo Angry thats all they could say!
They couldnt say why my nan had died as the old dear was 86 years old and had a great innings but your never prepared are you
So the answer to your question hunni no your not being foolish if you are then does that mean i am? xx
Reply:Depending on how long you've been together and how well he knows your mother, he could just be very uncomfortable in that situation. It's never an excuse, but it can help explain where he's coming from a bit.
I am pretty close with my boyfriend's family, but my boyfriend is still a bit ancy around my parents. I'm sure he'd feel odd at a similar scenario, but I do think he'd at least offer condolences or get a card or something along those lines.
Death is a hard thing to cope with, for immediate family members, and to all those who have to console them. Cut him some slack, but also make sure he knows that you were upset that he didn't step up and give you mom a "hang in there" hug.
So basically I agree with you but can understand where he may be coming from.
computer
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment