What do you think of my poem "House of the Dead: My Home Too"?

I looked around


The sky was interesting


The moon was in the white sky and the sun was going down





I looked around


There were comforters and comfortees


I was suppose to be a comforter





I looked around like a tourist


as if the funeral-to-be was a spectacle


I was in my role of observer


and I saw my co-worker’s white face


without makeup was still quite pretty


Did her grief add to or subtract from her beauty?





I saw the mounds of dirt


some with flowers and some without


I tried not to think what it meant


what those mounds of dirt meant





The wife of the dead man fainted


I had been told that she didn’t love her husband


Then I remembered my friend telling me


the dead man took too long to die


the family prayed for his death

What do you think of my poem "House of the Dead: My Home Too"?
Those are interesting lines. It's almost a "stream of consciousness" composition instead of poetry. You got the mood, atmosphere and thoughts right to make me see the graveyard through your eyes.





Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
Reply:I'm by no means an expert, but it seems kind of rambling. Keep working on it.
Reply:why is this in the senior citizen category?
Reply:Kinda morbid, sorry
Reply:It's a good read and/or factual observation. Although I'm a realist, believe more in upbeat parts of life and there's never too much humor -- therefore wouldn't complate your offering very long at all. -- no offense intended.
Reply:I think you should post it in poetry or somewhere else. Us senior citizens don`t want to read about death and graves.
Reply:Well, its deep, it's good, but its not the best. It doesnt have that natural flow if you know what i mean? Just being honest...
Reply:Somewhat sad and morose - more a musing than poetry IMHO
Reply:good



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