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Monday, August 3, 2009

Florist Mistake - funny or not?

Would you think this was funny coming from your mom-in-law?

Dear Darling Son and That Person You Married,

Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your ailing mother.

I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my grandchildren. God knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies.

Thank you so much for the birthday flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral so Aunt Berta and I dug her up and had the services all over again.

I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would have never let you come. I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?

Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I lost my cane beating off muggers last week, but don't you worry about me.

I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off and am grateful because the frost on my bed numbs the constant pain.

Now don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year. Give my love to my darling Grandbabies and my regards to whatever-her-name-is --the one with the black roots in her hair who stole you screaming from my bosom.

Merry Christmas,

Love, Mom

Would you think this was funny coming from your mom-in-law?
Hi!

Wow!... I am reminded of that commercial where this woman and her Mother-in-law were in the bathroom discussing the uses of an anti-bacterial spray, and the the woman dryly asks her MIL if she uses the spray, will it make the MIL forget where they live.

Your MIL is a classic dysfunctional "out-law" just bursting with ugly hostility, and it's a blessing for your family that she's too far away to access your innocent babies. I would write back a sweetly gracious letter in this format...

Greetings you parasitic old bat...Ha,ha! You really had me going with that going to the grave business, as I was hoping you'd be dead by now, but no such luck. I am sorry to see that you are still possessed by that unhealthy delusion of believing your son is your husband or father, and in the grips of this fantasy, you cannot recall that having a family in any day and age is a very expensive, labor intensive, 'round-the-clock job. That said, thanks for telling us you don't need any more money, as the costs of school and doctor visits for our babies does not leave us enough to take on adult dependents, no matter how legitimately insane, decrepit, infantile, and malignant they may be. I'm glad for the timely arrival of your letter, as the holiday season lead me to a momentary lapse of judgment, and silly me, I thought I should let you have visitation with your grand babies. I'm glad you reminded me that this would be an exponentially stupid idea, as you cannot even be civil in your sense of humor. I will keep your letter as a constant reminder of why I should always keep many miles between you and us.

Sincerely, Black Roots-What's-Her-Name.

That your husband is with you so many miles away from his awful mother actually speaks well of his maturity and sensible paternal instincts. Bless you all. Don't let her get to you.
Reply:Wait, if its not real, how do you know she thought of sending that to you?
Reply:amm some of it is funny.. but it really depends if she likes you or not from before? did she think the wedding was a good idea ? does she actualy live in these condition ? if they are true then you might have a rpoblem and i think you should try and solve it fast...

xxxxxxxxxxxx good luke xxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply:Dala - was that a Christmas card that your mom-in-law bought and sent to your husband? Or one of those gag Christmas letters?

Is your mom-in-law destitute? Starving? Did she dig up her mother's remains? Did she send you a videotape of her hemorrhoid surgery? NO?!?

Then, I thinks it's hilarious!

Please know, how you hear what someone says is determined by your interpretations, and your interpretations flow from your past. This is very important to know, especially if you find that you overreact to what others say or habitually get your feelings hurt. . . . Remember, what someone said is not necessarily what you heard, and what you heard is not necessarily what they meant.
Reply:is that a card or a letter she personally wrote ?? either way is prtty hurtful and rude ... thr are many more funny cards available ... this is ridiculous ... do not confront her .. try speaking politely to her ... if she says its was just a joke then laugh it off and tell her u thot so n the go out buy an even more meaner card and send it to her ... well if she can play a joke so can u right ???
Reply:you've met my mil??
Reply:I think its kind of funny, it either means that she really does like you and feels comfortable joking with you about that sort of thing, or she really dislikes you. However, if she disliked and resented you that much, you would definitely know by now. So, she probably just feels that comfortable with you.
Reply:First off, "it is funny"! :) Don't take it personnel, I doubt if she is that creative. She probably heard or seen it somewhere and thought she play a joke on you and her son. (Thinking you have a great sense of humor and would enjoy this laugh.) If she has never done something like this in all the years you have been married to her son, then its one of two things, . . . she has lost her mind and then is not responsible for her actions, or she has a dry sense of humor, and probably waiting for you to call her." LYAO"! I would never take anything like that serious. In fact, later on in life I may send it to one of my sons and see what kind of reaction I would get. Its too funny!!! :)
Reply:That B*%%26amp;$! I'd be hurt too...but dont worry about it, as long as u know that u r a great wife and mother thats all that matters...u kno screw her and her complaints u dont have to live with her nor do you have to please her. Clearly u r doing something right if ur husband is happy! Hope u feel better!
Reply:well, at least she is being honest, so now you know what your up against.

it is pretty funny though. you could respond to each statement.

Dear Mom.

It is almost always wonderfull to hear from you. but please dear you must be eating and breathing at least a little how else could you continue to live?

Thank you sooo much for the cash. I hurried right to the grocery and bought lots of doughnuts for the little ones, we can fatten them up to be just like their dearest grandma.

Aunt Berta was a very good person, Wasnt she ? Seems such a shame to lose the best first dosent it ?

How are your hemmroids by the way ? Being constipated all the time must be a horrible strain. They make laxitives especially for very old people like you. and suppositories and enemas. You might even by now be considering hiring a nurse to help you a couple times a week. Please Mom you really must take better care of yourself.

Oh mom, Im so sorry that you got mugged, well one good thing if you were someone who was really pretty you might have been raped as well. So I am happy all you lost was your cane. Please be carefull.

Frost on your bed. I hope thats not a reflection of your sex life Ha Ha. No really, if it numbs the pain, how much can you really complain ? (hey that rhymed)

Oh and about the money Ive been sending. We are going to Hawaii for two months starting next week. I dont have the address handy but maybe we can send you a card.

Whats-her-name says hello to you too (bi***)

Bye for now
Reply:If the situation is not real why would you make this up?
Reply:what does your husband say about this. he knows her best and can tell you if she is joking or not. i would just ask her.
Reply:WOW...NO, this is definitely not funny. In-laws can be a major pain is the a55
Reply:you are the mother in law aren't you? *smirk* if you aren't why would you jump to conclusions like that.
Reply:Where is your Husband during all of this....lost in space. Get over it, She just don't like you. Have your Husband talk to her, maybe he can be a go between.

you are troubled.... I had a Mother-in-law, pure evil. I ignored her every move and still do. Try it, it may help.

If not, do as you said, Confront her and tell her off nd...Stay away.
Reply:she was prob just joking don't take it to heart she prob did not no that it upset u tell her how u feel and she would prob b upset 2 think that her joke upset u and then realise that she took it a little 2 far
Reply:if it's not a real situation, how do you know she's thinking of sending something like that to you? I'm a little confused.
Reply:I'm guessing that your mother-in-law really LOVES YOU, or she wouldn't have sent this to you and your husband ... and it's HILARIOUS! I don't think that you should 'feel hurt' but you should call her and compliment her on her exqusite sense of humor.
Reply:lol You're cracking me up! It wasn't real, right? If it was...well, just forget about her.
Reply:i dont think i would like it eather.one day when you are talking to her tell her to kiss your *** and then say i was kidding just to see how she likes it and dont for get to send her a coppy of all the answer you got fromyahoo answers
Reply:no that's very ignorant of her to say about u knowing that you do anything and everything for ur children and say u wouldn't let her son go see her when u know it would mean everything to him to go see his mother and why would u stop him from doing that that's just stupid. i guess she was mad because u took her baby from her and she has nobody else there for her
Reply:if the situation isn't real..

are you sure mom is the problem?
Reply:This is very funny.

Im ROTFLOL!

I HAVE to tell somebody about that!
Reply:well... considering who my mother in law is going to be... i'd laugh hysterically. it's most likely a joke, and she's feeding off of your insecurities. i wouldn't worry too much, or if you're really that upset about it, maybe talk to her? or your husband?

idk, i would think of it as a joke. but you never know.
Reply:o-o

that lady has some serious issues to even think about that. don't listen to a thing she says.
Reply:shut up! you did not really recieve that! If you did thats rediculous and your man needs to tell her that jokes like that are totally innappropriate! I would imagine that something like that always comes from truth on some level.
Reply:Too funny. the ultimate guilt trip. Check out my website to book travel and earn extra cash http://www.debbiestravelstore.com/
Reply:Either she has a strange sense of humour and is insensitive at best and you could ignore it OR send her a letter back saying what a lovely letter you received from her and will spread the joy of the contents with your friends and family.

If my Mother in law sent me something like this to be nasty, I would never bother with her again. I have/had a nasty grandmother, 5 years ago when she threw her usual nasty comments at me. I got up and walked out of the family dinner and have never bothered with her again. Despite her letters and other family members expecting me to 'suck it up'. I have stood my ground. It is best to keep poison/nasty people out of your life. She will loose in the long run and its all her own doing.

Earlier this year I read a book by Dr Laura in which she touched upon nasty people, she questions why would you expose yourself or your children to someone like that. You wouldn't put up with bad behaviour from a stranger, why would you put up with it from someone who is suppose to be family.

I have to wonder what your husband has to say about it and did she include the $10.

If will hurt for a bit, but remember in a few days you will be back to your happy self.

It will only bug you for as long as you let it and maybe unfortunately that is what she wanted.
Reply:Very funny old granny... your mother in law has something wrong in her head if she really sent you this.
Reply:did she send this as a joke????

make up

Christmas card from MOM?

Wierd dream I was told by my cousin and Mum who haven't spoke much...?

Well I had lost my Grandma awhile back and I was not able to attend the funeral in Italy however I personally mourned back here in UK alone.

It has been about 3 weeks now since she departed and I was told this week Monday by my mum about how she saw her mother was in peace and was happy but that my Grandad *her father* seemed upset or frustrated at something...now I believe this has to do with the problems in my family which have been around for about 16 years now...maybe before I was even born.

My cousin then told me of a dream she had that we were standing infront of my Grandma's grave and the flowers were horrible and carnivourous*???* and that the spirits were restless and that I was crying, no1 else was crying though...

I don't really believe in dreams having a meaning but could there be any connection or could someone brief me of the dream my cousin had involving me??

Many thanks in advance!

Wierd dream I was told by my cousin and Mum who haven't spoke much...?
I think the horrible-carnivourous flowers/restless spirits in your cousin's dream could mean that your cousin perceives that family problems will be more in the forefront as a result of her death. You being the only one crying in her dream may just mean she perceives that you are more sensitive to the family problems.
Reply:im not sure

i think.. youre feeling really guilty about something to do with your grandmother.. something to do with her departing too quick,, or you didnt do something she told you to do.. or you made her upset in some way.. or something like that.. there is sad feeling your having towards the death of your grandmother maybe guilt

?

and your not over it

try and find out and express that feeling to see where it will takre you

good luckx
Reply:you dont much care for carniverous plants.

computer

Florist Mistake?????

What do you think of my poem "House of the Dead: My Home Too"?

I looked around

The sky was interesting

The moon was in the white sky and the sun was going down

I looked around

There were comforters and comfortees

I was suppose to be a comforter

I looked around like a tourist

as if the funeral-to-be was a spectacle

I was in my role of observer

and I saw my co-worker’s white face

without makeup was still quite pretty

Did her grief add to or subtract from her beauty?

I saw the mounds of dirt

some with flowers and some without

I tried not to think what it meant

what those mounds of dirt meant

The wife of the dead man fainted

I had been told that she didn’t love her husband

Then I remembered my friend telling me

the dead man took too long to die

the family prayed for his death

What do you think of my poem "House of the Dead: My Home Too"?
Those are interesting lines. It's almost a "stream of consciousness" composition instead of poetry. You got the mood, atmosphere and thoughts right to make me see the graveyard through your eyes.

Thanks for sharing it with all of us.
Reply:I'm by no means an expert, but it seems kind of rambling. Keep working on it.
Reply:why is this in the senior citizen category?
Reply:Kinda morbid, sorry
Reply:It's a good read and/or factual observation. Although I'm a realist, believe more in upbeat parts of life and there's never too much humor -- therefore wouldn't complate your offering very long at all. -- no offense intended.
Reply:I think you should post it in poetry or somewhere else. Us senior citizens don`t want to read about death and graves.
Reply:Well, its deep, it's good, but its not the best. It doesnt have that natural flow if you know what i mean? Just being honest...
Reply:Somewhat sad and morose - more a musing than poetry IMHO
Reply:good

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Have you ever made a serious faux paux?????

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.

Storekeeper: "Oh, it's alright. I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."

Florist: "But, I accidentally sent your card to a funeral parlor."

Storekeeper: "Well, what did it say?"

Florist: “Congratulations on your new location."

Have you ever made a serious faux paux?????
I will always remember the Faux Paux my friend made. I come from a large family. She was meeting my family for the 1st time and having a conversation with my mother. we were about 13 or 14. They were talking about the Aquarium. My friend said I love to look at the octopuses (testicles) she obviously meant tentacles. Fortunately my mother just smiled to herself, ignored the verbal oops .. and went on as though she said the right word. My friend and I still laugh about it to this day.
Reply:ROFL! Good one.
Reply:That's a good one! Thanks for sharing! :)
Reply:How very cute. Thanks I needed that.
Reply:Love it! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Reply:Hilarious! Keep 'em coming.
Reply:two in a row , wow !
Reply:Love it. Actually it seems to fit the situation, I think it does anyway. The person did move on to a new location.
Reply:OMG!! That is hysterical!! I love it!!
Reply:LOL. Thanks for starting my day off with a bang. I have had a serious faux paux, actually. It concerns this current reincarnation of mine: WASN'T I SUPPOSED TO BE WEALTHY BEYOND ALL REASON? I know I deserved it and please help if you can.
Reply:ROFLMAOPIMP!! Thanks, that is so cute
Reply:That`s terrific..I love it...I`ve made too many faux paux to even begin to count.
Reply:Oops! Thanks for starting my day off right -- with a smile!
Reply:Thanks for the laugh!

Back in high school I used to think it was a faux paux to wear Nike shoes and Adidas socks. shame on me, LOL!

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